Dubler, Eh! is the world's first Voice-to-MIDI controller trained exclusively on Canadian accents, idioms, and passive-aggressive vocal patterns.
The original Dubler? Bless its heart. Calibrated in a London studio by people who've never said "about" correctly in their lives.
* Dubler, Eh! may or may not be a real product. It is definitely funnier than the British one. This is a satirical art project, eh.
How It Works
We drove a 1998 Dodge Caravan across all 10 provinces and 3 territories, recording every "sorry," "eh," "toque," and "double-double order" we could find. Our AI knows the difference between an Ontario "about" and a Newfoundland "about." And yes, we went to PEI. It took forever. The ferry was fine.
USB-A only. We refuse to go USB-C until the CRTC mandates it. The cable is regulation hockey-tape grey.
Simply say "Sorry," "It's colder than a Winnipeg February," and order a medium double-double out loud. That's it. You're in.
Every "sorry" triggers a snare. Every "eh" sustains the note. Every passive-aggressive sigh maps to a filter sweep. It's basically automatic.
Works with Ableton, Logic, FL Studio, and most importantly, whatever software you pirated during the Rogers outage.
Voices Dubler, Eh! actually understands:
The Problem
We ran accuracy tests at a Tim Hortons in Moncton, a hockey rink in Red Deer, a dep in Verdun, and a Co-op in Saskatoon. The results speak for themselves.
Features
Mimic a slapshot and Dubler, Eh! triggers an 808 kick drum with 12ms latency. Imitating a Leafs loss automatically initiates a 7-bar sad chord progression. We're sorry. We know.
Your vocal timbre changes based on Tim Hortons coffee intake. We mapped the frequency response of a voice pre- and post-double-double and built compensation filters. Steeped Tea mode is in beta.
Connects to Environment Canada. Below -20°C, automatically adds a minor-key melancholy to all outputs. Above 25°C, assumes you're in Vancouver and adds reverb because everything's chill out there apparently.
Ensures 30% of your generated MIDI output qualifies as Canadian Content per CRTC regulations. Inserts Bryan Adams references algorithmically. You can turn this off, but the CRTC will send a very polite letter.
Fully bilingual. "Tabarnak" triggers the same drum fill as "Holy smokes." "Câlice" maps to a reverb crush. "Ostie" is reserved for complex polyrhythms. Full Joual phoneme dictionary included.
A single ambient track of a beaver chewing looped and layered as a rhythm bed. Not a joke. It sounds incredible. It won a Polaris Prize nomination in our internal Slack channel.
Because you know it's going to happen. Dubler, Eh! runs entirely offline after first login. We designed this feature specifically in July 2022 for reasons we are all still processing.
Map the specific Canadian sigh — the sharp inhale followed by "no, it's fine" — to any CC value. In testing, it accidentally produced the best filter sweep of 2024. The engineer cried a little. We get it.
Rhythmic foot-stomping (yes, the mic picks it up) maps directly to MIDI. Includes pre-loaded "Bud the Spud" tempo grid at 132 BPM. Saskatchewan users report it just works instinctively.
New — Limited Edition
For the first time, a voice-to-MIDI controller that actually listens to Indigenous artists. Not metaphorically. Literally. It is the first piece of audio technology in Canadian history with this feature.
The Rez Edition was trained on Cree, Ojibwe, Inuktitut, Michif, Dene, and 14 other Indigenous language phoneme sets. It recognizes throat singing as a legitimate MIDI trigger. It treats hand drum rhythms as a first-class input. It does not autocorrect your name.
The hardware ships in birchbark-effect resin housing. (Actual birchbark was discussed. Elders politely suggested we not. We listened. That's already an improvement over most Canadian institutions.)
It runs on USB power or a 9V battery, because the Rez Edition was explicitly designed to work whether or not adequate electrical infrastructure has been installed in your community.
We're not naming any provinces. They know who they are.
Treats traditional drumming as a percussive MIDI input — not noise to be filtered out, as previous audio software has historically done.
The first DAW-ready engine that maps Inuit throat singing pairs to harmonic MIDI stacks. Tuva mode also available. We are thorough.
Trained with community consent and actual community involvement. Copies of this data remain with the communities. Full stop.
9V battery, 8-hour life. Works when it's plugged in. Works when there's no infrastructure to plug it into. Designed for reality, not the Canada Infrastructure Bank's projections.
Revenue share goes directly to a fund managed by the partner nations. Vochlea.ca keeps enough for the garage and the Caravan's gas. Fair.
What Canadians Are Saying
Mostly unsolicited. Some coerced with Timbits. All true in our hearts.
"I hummed the opening bars of Summer of '69 into this thing and it produced a full MIDI chart, correctly identified the key of D, and then — I am not making this up — a pop-up appeared that said 'We know. We know.' I wept. I bought three. One for the studio. One for my Ottawa pied-à-terre. One for Bryan Jr."
"I sang 'You Oughta Know' and Dubler, Eh! mapped every consonant to a different synth stab. By the bridge, it had auto-generated legal paperwork addressed to Dave Coulier. Uncanny. Truly uncanny."
"My voice has always been… a lot. I sang one note and it generated an entire orchestral arrangement and applied to the Juno Awards on my behalf. I have now won 5 Junos I wasn't at."
"I tried to beatbox and Dubler, Eh! thought I was trying to order at a Tim Hortons drive-through. To be fair, my beatboxing has that energy. Four stars. Added one back when I saw it had pre-loaded 'Rapping Duke' as a sample."
"I hummed Bach and it produced a technically perfect MIDI transcription and also said 'nice try, you were flat on the third bar.' It was right. I've been humbled by a USB microphone. This is growth."
"My dad used to say 'the computer doesn't understand you.' I now have a USB microphone that understands me better than my dad, most of my producers, and the CBC programming committee. I've sent this to every record label in Canada. Both of them."
"I said 'good day, sir' into the mic and it generated a full 16-bar comedy sketch, three character voices, and one legally distinct Canadian Heritage Minute. The Heritage Minute features a moose. Extremely accurate to my general vibe."
"I'm from Timmins. I grew up thinking the world didn't know we existed. I hummed into Dubler, Eh! and it displayed the text: 'We see you, Northern Ontario. We always did.' I called my mother. She cried. I cried. The mic just kept glowing."
"On behalf of the Kashechewan First Nation: this is the first piece of recording technology we were part of building. It works in the community centre. It works when the power flickers. That matters more than any spec sheet."
Technical Specifications
Pricing
In real Canadian dollars. We triple-checked with a conversion calculator, then asked someone who understands currency better than we do, which is everyone.
All prices in Canadian dollars. GST/HST not included because we are all already upset about that. 🍁
FAQ
Ready, Eh?
Because you're Canadian. And you have things to say. And someone should finally build a microphone that actually listens.